you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
