you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wish you could order shots online.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
