you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
