come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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