Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
