John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
