Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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