Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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