what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
