hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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