you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
