You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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