Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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