We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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