you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
