So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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