All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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