So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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