I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
