Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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