Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
