I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
