Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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