Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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