i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
