She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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