I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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