Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
