I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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