Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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