how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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