1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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