Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
