no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
