I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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