Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
