ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
