I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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