the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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