it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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