How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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