I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
