Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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