Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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