i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
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It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
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Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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