so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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