Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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