I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
