he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
vagina is talking i cant
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
