I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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