is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just invented taco cereal.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
