I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
