my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize