I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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