the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
