Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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