Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
