Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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