So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
