I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
