I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
