Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
