hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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