Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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