mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
